Men

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Oh I don’t hate men, please no

It’s just that sometimes I dream

Of stabbing them in their throats

And chopping it off their thighs

Accidentally spilling acid on them

And gouging out their eyes

And leaving the bodies to writhe and die

It’s nothing personal, just that I

Can’t help myself at times

When they’re simply asking for it

Those egotistical pieces of shit

But oh I don’t hate men, no

Not all men

What drives us to live (ft. The awkward walkout)

 You know those rare moments, when you’re sitting in your class stifling yawns throughout the entire lecture, and suddenly you catch your teacher say something really deep, and you feel your brain snap and whir, as it tries to incorporate that beautiful piece of wisdom into one of its dusty corners called “deep-shit-to-remember-for-when-life-is-being-a-pain-in-the-neck”?

Yeah no me neither.

Anyway, this reminded me of the time I made a fool out of myself. Our Community Medicine teacher (yes we study that. God help me through this semester though) had said something really controversial, and of course, I had to step in.

“The only motivation for living is sexual desire” says our CM teacher.

Wow.

I actually zoned out for a couple of minutes as I tried to think of all (or any) kinds of counter arguments. This was not true, right? It couldn’t have been. Is this the purpose of life then? Finding the right mating partners? The rest of the lecture was a blur as I prepare myself for this tempting debate.

What about that woman who, blinded by her motherhood, is ready to kill for her child if the circumstances force her to. If she were to chose between her husband/lover and her child, she’d never let go of the kid.

What about that soldier who has left his wife and kids to fight someone else’s battles. His return is never guaranteed and he knows that. He won’t have any women there to fill the gap left by his wife (hopefully), but he still chooses imminent death over love.

What about monks and sufis and nuns who give up every worldly desire to find Him. They don’t want anything more in life than pleasing and witnessing the Creator. How can you ignore this pure, selfless dedication.

And what about our passions and aspirations that motivate us to live when we lose all will to continue with life. These goals have the power to blind you so much so that “sexual desires” might not even cross your mind!

Also, if you think about it, a serial killer who feels satisfaction in his job has his motivations, even if they’re kinda sick (sorry I’ve been binging on Dexter lately).

Anyway, the point is, saying sex drives men is like putting humans and  animals in the same category. I had to talk to the teacher about this (a very stupid decision as you’ll learn later).

So the next day, I muster up the courage and go to said teacher’s office. I had already rehearsed my argument (yes, including the dramatic pauses, in case you’re wondering). I knock on her door and the peon lets me in.

“Assalamoalaikum Miss, I wanted to discuss something you said the other day” I started.

“Yes beta what is it”

“You said that sexual drive is what motivates men to live, I don’t think that is entirely true though. How can you ignore all the other forms of passionate motivations like —”

“Beta, which lecture are you talking about?”

“Uh the one with the uh…which was on last Monday I think.”

Don’t interrupt me woman, I practiced this shit too hard.

 

“Beta, I never meant humans” —you could see the mocking evil smile slowly creeping upon her face— “I was talking about animalistic instincts and how humans are NOT animals, which was the whole point of that discussion. Weren’t you paying attention?”

“Oh”

And then I did something really sensible. I turned around and almost ran out of the office.

Mental note#1: pay more attention in class.

Mental note#2: think before embarrassing yourself in front of other people

Mental note #3: cut back a bit on Dexter.