Men

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Oh I don’t hate men, please no

It’s just that sometimes I dream

Of stabbing them in their throats

And chopping it off their thighs

Accidentally spilling acid on them

And gouging out their eyes

And leaving the bodies to writhe and die

It’s nothing personal, just that I

Can’t help myself at times

When they’re simply asking for it

Those egotistical pieces of shit

But oh I don’t hate men, no

Not all men

An Ode to The Ocean

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You beautiful monster
Drifting careful in a slumber
Deeper than your thunder, how?
You deadly lover
Riding warriors on your back
Giver of life
Your ripples of anger
Setting in action only destruction
You magnanimous creature of wonder
How?
Your waters a thing of horror
Where do you keep your love
Does it come and then leave
Like your tides on days of glee
Where do you keep your love
Your barren surface deludes my ignorant, how?
Shall I bow down?
Your towers of liquid, send my blood to shivers
In these fragile bones, my heart booms
With warnings and rules
Your belly is a “valley of doom”
But I see no doom, how?
You astounding monster,
Sitting in the eye of the storm you conjure
You’re the chaos inside of a silent calm, how?
You show me blue
Another trick you use
To lure and seduce
Don’t seduce my mind
You know not how it weaves poetry for you
You’re the lover I want to deny
I run my fingers through
The liquid death you brew
And like the sun that you engulf
I long for you to embrace me too
Hold me in your arms
And give me the love you hide
Kiss my forhead and my mind
Envy burns in me when the sun or the wind touches you at night
You’re so beautiful when you sleep
What a perfect harmony You and me would be
I see no death in you
Only longing and a muse, how?

Blue

 

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On 23rd of June in the summer of 1992

You asked me what my favourite colour was

I looked at the blood red sunset view

And I looked at your blood red BMW

I looked at my sundress and matching red shoes

I looked at your cheeks, they were red too

And I looked at the red oozing from your fresh wounds

I saw it drip from the tips of a broken wine bottle

Jagged shards holding dregs of blood and booze

The tie that you wore, too, had a blotchy red hue

And so did your face when it choked you

As I slid the broken glass into you

And like a missed train I saw your breath leave you

On 23rd of June in 1992

You asked me what my favourite colour was

And I told you it was blue

And I had lied to you

It was red that I craved, not an ugly blue

That reminds me of you or your icy eyes

Or the oceans or blueberries or the skies

Or of our little blue cottage in Peru

Or any other memory of you

I had buried long ago deep beneath

All the red rage you left in my blue little dreams

Had you asked me in the summer of 2000 instead

I’d have told you my favourite colour is red.

I Am

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I lace the edges of your being

With the gentlest touch of my blade

Wear your curves around my lips

Like a deep scarlet shade

Drape the flaws that you hide

Like a tiger in her stripes

And the scars that we share

I paint in colours of despair

The fraying bits of you

I mend with honey dew

The sweetest of the blood

I drain from your love

And the strongest of souls

I reap from your remorse

I am your past and your present

And soon your future too

Look me in the eye

I am what you deny

Am I not the only truth you see?

Your fondest lover, your worst enemy

Gifts

“He used to shower me with gifts, you know” She walked in unannounced. The sound of heels clattering against tiles ceased and her heartless gaze met the horrifed face of the only occupant of the kitchen. 

She studied the maid like an animal weighing its options. A disgusting housekeeper is what he fancied better than the one woman coveted by hundreds of suitors. What was it that he saw in a filthy maid that he failed to find in a noble woman like her. Beauty maybe, but no ranks, no jewels, no class, a piece of garbage. He got what he deserved.

“M..Mrs. Desmund! How n..nice of y..you to stop-p by. W..would you like s…some tea?” The maid frantically dug into the cupboard, looking for an excuse. Her shivering hands let slip a kettle and the sound of expensive china shattering like her sanity, enveloped the kitchen. She froze and so did her heart. 

“DON’T YOU FUCKING MOVE UNLESS I TELL YOU TO! UNDERSTAND YOU WHORE?!”

The lady like poise vanished as a monster slipped through the crevices of a perfectly polished persona. Mrs. Desmund took a deep breath, composed herself, and tried to block out the sobs of a filthy 18 year old, panic striken servant.

She placed a beautifully wrapped package on the kitchen table,
“Always wearing himself out” She continued in her previous charming tone, “finding the most expensive ring, the smoothest pearls, the largest diamonds, the perfect tokens.”

“And yet, this one is the best I’ve received so far”

A slight tug to the ribbon let the wrapping loose; the grip on the rag tightened and so did the lungs making breathing laboured. Prespiration and tears adorned one woman’s face while a steely smile carved into the other’s. The paper slipped and a mortified face of Mr. Desmund peeked through. Glassy life-less eyes stared back into the gleeful eyes of a woman he once cheated on. The air seemed to thin in the spacious kitchen and lights seemed to dim as the maid fought hard to maintain focus.

“Don’t you think?” whispered Mrs. Desmund, stroking the matted hair of her loving husband. The maid stood petrified, holding onto her dirty rag as if she had just peered into the future, and seen her own imminent death. Her skin had turned a pale similar to that of her lover’s putrid head. 

“It’s a shame you have to see him like this.” She turned towards her. Her limbs and conciousness began betraying her as she struggled to get up and run for her life.

“P-please Mrs. D..esm..umd p..please, believe m..me please, It’s n..not…NO! Please…It was him…” she tried to sound intelligible between sobs, but Mrs. Desmund wasn’t listening.

The sound of metal scraping against stone followed by wallowing shrieks of misfortune echoed in the newly furnished kitchen.

“It’s about time I gave him the perfect gift.”

Fair Maiden

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Her voice
when flows
Flows like honey trickling down a warm picnic toast

Her eyes
When smile
Carry the suns that when set, drown in rivers divine

Her hair
When flies
Paints a trickle of belief and hope in these eyes

Her lips
When cry
A thousand heavens break down to light the sky

Her hands
When dance
Weave a tapestry in air, threads in all shades of joy

Her silence
It echoes
In empty dreams of desire

A damsel
Goes to show
Need naught but beauty for survival

Fair Maiden fear not life’s ugly facade
For your existence is but a poem to devour

2017 Reading List

A year has passed since I have been conveniently putting off reading books mainly because I’ve always had so much studying to do, and also because facebook is the cancer that mysteriously sucks out literally hours of potential productivity time from the day. Anyway, now I’ve decided to curb my social media addiction and steer more towards books (and studies). And since making a post about your resolutions helps you complete them sooner (or so I’ve read) here is a part of my new year’s resolutions, which requires me to read at least 6 of these books by May this year (don’t you judge me now I have a med school to pass).

1. A Brief History of Time –Stephen Hawking

I’m done with half of this amazing book already and I might be worsening the pre-existing existential crisis but anyway, studying Physics in Pre Med has a lot to do why I’m still sane till now. Also Stephen Hawking, being the genius he is, explains every complicated thing in this flawless manner which makes you want to leave everything and go do a Physics major.

2. The Stranger–Albert Camus

I remember reading the first few chapters of this masterpiece of a novel last year but then stopped because I had a semester exam coming up (which I hadn’t studied for all year, thanks again to facebook). Now I want to finish it, but it’s gonna have to wait till I’m done with Brief History Of Time.

3. A History of Western Philosophy–Bertrand Russell

We had an essay from one of Bertrand Russell’s book in high school as a part of our curriculum and two years ago I had decided to read more of his works, inspired mostly by his thoughts and philosophy on science and his opinion on war and Einstein. Two years have passed and procrastination took the better of me. Until recently I had forgotten about it but then I came across Neil deGrasse Tyson’s reading list, and it had this book in it.

4.  The Metamorphosis– Franz Kafka

Okay, this one is a bit of a long shot, because I don’t really read a lot of novels but I have been seeing Kafka quotes on my Facebook timeline a lot lately and I wanted to see what the fuss is all about. Lets see how this one turns out.

5. The Communist Manifesto–Karl Marx and some other guy

My maternal aunts have been keen supporters of communism, in fact my uncle died defending communism in the time of a dictatorship on my country. My grandfather and most of my maternal side is referred to as comrades by their friends. So it was natural that I was brought up to believe in socialism. This time I wanted to read the manifesto thoroughly (not just skim it as I had done before) and decide for myself if it is the only way to save humanity.

6. Black Hole Blues And Other Songs From Outer Space– Janna Levin

“Scientists are like those levers or knobs or those boulders helpfully screwed into a climbing wall. Like the wall is some cemented material made by mixing knowledge, which is a purely human construct, with reality, which we can only access through the filter of our minds. There’s an important pursuit of objectivity in science and nature and mathematics, but still the only way up the wall is through the individual people, and they come in specifics… So the climb is personal, a truly human endeavor, and the real expedition pixelates into individuals, not Platonic forms.”

What more reason to love this book.

7. Time Travel: A Brief History– James Gleick

Although time travel has been struck off as a scientific impossibility after the popular Stephen Hawking’s party for the future time travelers (where no one showed up) one can’t help but re-visit this thought over and over in a futile pursuit to satiate the imagination of the human mind. This book is more of a philosophy and history based rather than pure science and I’m really looking forward to reading more of it.

8. The Birth of Tragedy–Friedrich Nietzsche

Although I’m not that big of a Nietzsche fan, but I would be missing out on a lot of wisdom if I left my mind devoid of any Nietzsche styled cynicism. This book would be the perfect way to rekindle my long suppressed nihilism phase.

9. The Phenomenology of Mind– Hegel

I didn’t decide to be a neuroscientist out of  boredom, it was because I have this crippling desire to read people’s minds and find out whether it’s just a bunch of chemicals and sparks holding together the fort of sanity or if there is more to it. Which means I am also obsessed with psychology (that is when I’m not overwhelmed with cosmological insignificance). Which also means Hegel is a must read for me, but only a summary because this book is long enough to awaken my procrastination demons.

10.Extraordinary Popular Delusions and The Madness of Minds– Charles Mackay

This book was a part of Carl Sagan’s reading list which is convincing enough for me to have downloaded it. Also the title is so thought-provoking.It is more of a history accounting and quite lengthy to begin with, so I hope I don’t end up reading only half of it (which I probably will, smh).

11. The Shadow of The Crescent Moon–Fatima Bhutto

The only person in the Bhutto family that I have a slight amount of respect for is Fatima Bhutto. She was once a role model for me along with Sharmeen Obaid- Chinnoy. This novel is based in a war-stricken Afghanistan and captures most of what is happening as a result of sugar-coated “peace missions” and how they affect the locals.

12. Snell’s Clinical Neuroanatomy

Because I have to pass my neurosciences module too.

13. The Republic-Plato (summary)

There is something about books that are not written in modern English that really repels me, and I think English being my second language has to do with it. And its sad when most of these ancient works are translated in hard to read English. Also The Republic is really long so a summary will suffice for now.

14.  The Quran

Being Muslim, I have read the Quran quite a few times but I havent exactly read read it. This time I aim to read it thoroughly with proper translation and explanation, and clarify all the misconceptions and misinterpretations fed to us by the media.

15. Carrie –Stephen King

You may remember me just saying how I’m not a big fan of novels but that does not hold true for Stephen King. His books aren’t novels, they are roller coaster rides imprinted onto paper. I read almost half of Carrie but I can’t really recall why I abandoned the book. Well this year is the time to resume this masterpiece.

16.  Psychology: The Science of Mind and Behaviour

I came across this when I researched some reference books to study for Behavioural Sciences and I was addicted, but it got lost under the pile of other homework and I had more important subjects like anatomy and pathology to study first. So now I’ve decided to finish this book before any other distractions/module exams come in the way.

Woahh this was a pretty long post. I hope it serves its purpose and motivates me to read at least half of the books I listed down. Here’s to a more educated 2017!

How

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What do you tell
The heart that breaks
When faith begins to shake
And all Reason feels fake
Existence seems a gory game
Electric realisation of mistakes
And all your hair stand on end
Shivers run down your spine
And your hands begin to shake
And your body contorts
To meet the knees’ embrace
The forehead that would graze
A prayer mat all night and day
Has now found a new place
Between two worlds in space
Blinded and dazed
The tongue that would say
Only grace and supplicate
Now stammers every time it prays
The eyes that held a modest gaze
Now struggle to detangle this maze
What would it take
To restore a broken faith
To put belief back in the mind
What of the heart that fails to find
The silver lining behind
The Misery of all time
How does The Divine
Intervene in crime
When crime sits on thrones
And the innocent fall prey
To the justice set by fate
How do you save
A stumbling faith
When the innocent pay
The price for the sins
Committed by saints
In the name of a god
Who silently watches us decay
As tyrants pave way
For eternally bound slaves
How do you save
A dissipating race