it hit me today that I’m just half a month away from turning twenty three. For the first time ever I don’t feel bad about it all. i guess my brain has finally accepted that I will age and my mind will grow i will have new experiences and life will go on. speaking of which, its not a burden anymore, life. i was reading a poem I wrote before turning twenty, I’ve wanted to die for as long as I can remember, never wanted another birthday, but for some reason, I don’t anymore. I think it started last year. Last year was also a good birthday. i remember actually looking forward to it. this year too it will be with the people I love and I’ll have good memories associated with it. the sad is still there, its been there so long I think its started growing weed. Its blooming into something beautiful to hide the ugliness of it all. or maybe its healing, I cant really tell. I only know that I like it all. All of it, I want to take it in whole. Everything life has to offer, I want it all. i want to live. to the fullest. for a long enough time. then maybe at 37 I will end it. that should be good.