Ever since the new year has started, a feeling of urgency has been lingering in the air. I can feel it with every passing second, every minute feels wasted and unproductive. It’s final year. The last year of my student life. No, college life. I will still be studying for 10, 20 more years but not as a student. There’s so much that i long to do, so many things i would take up, but i am restricted by the way fate has played out. This is not a declaration of envy or bitterness to those who have it all, but for the way things are and the order of society. How favourable it is for certain people to climb the ladder of success and how hard it is for some to even find this ladder that stands enshrouded in the fog of capitalism. There is no security for the future that we strive so relentlessly hard to perfect. The world is always at the brink of war. There’s emotional conflicts that lay ahead which, with my limited exposure to people, i can’t even begin to imagine. It’s like a minefield. Its amazing how all of this is such common knowledge, like Pessoa said, anything i say has already been said by someone else so there is no point in confessing. Maybe he’s right, what use is all this. But he also says that he writes to relieve the fever of feeling and i think that’s the only plausible explanation to why i’m writing the same words, saying the same things that thousands of people have already said before. It is also because all of mankind is united by the fact that we are one consciousness, and our experiences and emotions are bound to overlap in the venn diagram of humanity, or whatever Jung said.
Whatever the reason, one thing is certain. I am afraid of the future. It might be nothing new to read or hear, might not affect the grand scheme of things, might even be boring to whoever i take this to, but it is what i feel. And i feel it with such an intensity that it makes me sick.